Ep 26. Under the Sea, Oh Finally

When last we left our exotic expat, he sat sipping cocoa while doling out deep thoughts to rival the inner workings of a gothically depressed middle schooler's diary. What then, of the week? Revelation! Incantation! Insemi---actually, not that one...Deforestation! Somewhere! Yes, speaking artfully and skillfully, our hero managed to mostly make myself barely understandable. But hope still remained, for through thoughtful introspection of himself and extrospection of his compatriots, the path to better skills presented itself. But such changes must wait, as with all things they take time. And before the day of implementation there will finally be a day of exploration to the darkest depths of the sea and the lightest un-land of the waves. Indeed, towards aquaria tomorrow we go; and what there will we find? I have no idea.

So, this week was again rather interesting. I started with an unusual issue and things sort of went up and down from there. We had...shall we say interesting times at work that may or may not be resolving themselves, classes were taught well, meetings were had, and I stayed up until 1:00am for the first time in a very long while. Yet, for everything, I would say that it was a rather good week...though I can't really think of a week that has been necessarily bad. Oh, there have been weeks that are filled with bad things, or things that I dread. But that's not really the fault of the week that events are bad, it's more the fault of the people and phenomena who do them. To say that a week is bad because it is filled with bad things shifts the blame a bit too much for my tastes.
However, there were some funny moments. Probably the funniest came at the end of the work week, when we all went out to an izekia. The conversation meandered hither and thither, from ponderings of the future to questions of the present when, suddenly, we came to the topic of 9/11. I don't know why, but we did. And we all started telling our own tales and memories one at a time. Most were along the lines of, "oh, I was in college when..." or, "I was 18" when, eventually, it got to me. I remember that day vividly. That was the day that I became aware of the rest of the world and decided that I should do my utmost to learn as much about it as possible. And so I began..."Well, I was in 5th grade..." and everyone lost it. Now, it's no secret that I'm easily the youngest member of the staff. I am so young, in fact, that I have found it necessary to hide my age to keep people from being made uncomfortable by it. And the entire staff know my age, but they were still surprised as heck by the fact that I was only in 5th grade when 9/11 happened. But that's life; we don't always understand the full ramifications of choices and facts until they become apparent. The best thing to do is to roll with the punches and make a good story out of it.
Anyway, my Sunday was very quiet (thankfully). On Monday, however, I finally made the trip--nay, at this point and with this many failed attempts, journey seems more appropriate--to the Hakkeijima Sea Paradise. This is the place that I have been trying to go to for months. This is the place about which, at age 8, I saw a Discovery channel special that became my driving force to come to Japan. This is the home of whale sharks.

It's bigger than you think it is...

a lot bigger...

Proof that I wasn't alone...a pic taken by someone else

Back in the past...both the picture, and the time table...

The Harbor!

The Harbor shrine!

I have no idea what this is for...candy gram?

Apparently it's the 20th

The walk-through dolphin tank

They were a little bored...

A sunfish.

 These guys are related to puffer fish and, like most of the larger mega-fauna (this thing is huge) consists on a diet of relatively small, nutrient poor critters. Because it's just plain better to be smaller.

Speaking of food.

One more whale shark.

It was playing with a ball...like a dog...

These swarming fish were mesmerizing.

 They really were. And it was amazing how if another fish in the tank were to enter their area, a hole would instantly open up around it. I could have stood there for hours watching the things move...

A walrus with crossed tusks.

 I'm not sure what causes this to happen, but it seemed an odd trait to me. I know that most rodents need to constantly gnaw on something, because their front teeth keep growing. If not adequately managed, they will eventually grow through the bottom lip, requiring either expensive surgery or painful death. I wonder if walruses face a similar issue. Regardless, this is not something you want to roll over on you.

Great jumping gigawatts! It's the flux capacitor!

The kelp forest seemed more a kelp graveyard.

Some sharks.

I don't know if the sound works, but a snowstorm of fish, it is.

Da jellies.

This is far more graceful in the film on my phone.

They floated perfectly, constantly moving.

 These guys also had some fairly impressive, though basic, bioluminesence. I'm not sure why, although I would guess to either draw in prey, fool predators, or a mix of both.

More impressive jelly fish.

 For such simple creatures, they can be truly deadly. A good percentage of the jellyfish in the world lack what we would define as a nervous system, yet they seem to move along just fine. It truly is amazing the variety in nature, and I am quite sure that it will never stop surprising us with its mysteries.

Pipefish, a relative of seahorses.

 For those who don't know, seahorses--or at least some species therein--are some of the few creatures where the male carries the babies until they hatch, at which point he expels them via contractions. I will let you draw your own conclusion about traditional gender roles from that.

A hermit crab

 And a rather large one. This one has an anemone for a home, creating an excellent symbiotic relationship. The crab is helped because few creatures want a mouthful of damaging anemone. The anemone is helped because the movement of the crab brings it into contact with more prey. Both benefit, and neither really loses. An incredible sollution.

Some nautilus.

 Nautilus are living fossils. We have found the remains of their ancestors dating back millions of years to the Jurassic period, when the seas rose and transformed much of the landscape into a giant archipelago. They might have been around before that, but I'm too tired to do research right now.

A front view of a nautilus.

These guys are related to eels. Can't remember a name...

I found Nemo!

A turtle and some sharks.

One last look across the bay at the sunset.

After exploring the museum, and getting my money's worth, I went home and the friend who I went with journeyed to his Tokyo abode. Sadly, the time was too late to try any new restaurants (an amazing student has given me many suggestions of vegetarian and vegan delicacies), so after a brief pit stop to compare some prices, I continued on the train back. Along the way, however, something interesting happened. At a stop, a fellow passenger collapsed. I would like to say that I dropped everything and ran over to help, but I didn't. I didn't even notice him until I realized that we weren't moving, and even then I stayed in my seat while the only thought going through my mind was, "he's not moving and his eyes are closed, why isn't someone talking to him to see if he's conscious or to see if we need to start doing CPR." Thankfully, one of my fellow passengers had some kind of training--either first aid or first responder--because she quickly took charge of the situation. And the entire time, I felt helpless. Not because I don't have a basic idea of what to do for injury--I've taken a few first aid courses--but because I knew that I would be more of a hurt than a help. The best that I could do would be to ask, "dijobu?" [are you OK?], and to start chest compressions if he didn't respond. I can't describe symptoms, or understand enough to know what the problem would be. I can't help him, because I don't know enough of the language, and that's terrifying.
Now, for some exciting news. After finally getting some concept designs, I am on the way to publishing a book. The title is, "The Vooligame," which I hereby copywrite. I will also post the first bit of what will one day be the book, which I also hereby copywrite. Here it is:
 

It started so small, the size of a pea;

who knew what would grow, just what it would be?

But the others gave scorn, oh boy did they scoff,

this thing could be special? Oh that was a laugh!

But did it bow down? Did it give in?

Did it listen to spittle, to spattle, to spin?

Did it shrink down to nothing at all?

No it did not, even though it was small.

It knew that the small could be more than their parts,

could be bigger in stories, in ends and in starts;

And so when they scoffed, to itself it would say,

"I will be important, I will be some day."

Anyway, this has been another adventure in the austentatious. If you liked it, tell your friends; if you hated it, tell your enemies; and if you didn't care either way then tell everyone. Good night.

Ep 25. Paparazzi and Philosophy

Today's post is going to be a bit different than normal, because I need to use it to work through some things. Also, aside from a few odd stories, I intentionally didn't do much this week. However, I have finally posted my New Years photos. If you would just like to see them, please scroll past the wording. Else, here are my fun stories, followed by the more important part of the post.

1) This week, for one of my teenage classes, we are talking about family. When I told them that last week, one of them had a look on his face reminiscent of outright horror and confusion. This is the same child who could think of nothing nice to say about his mother, and looked at me like I was an idiot for suggesting that she could be remotely intelligent. I don't know his home life, but I do know his mother, and all that I can say is that he is definitely a teenager. Sadly, I will not be there for the day when his mother's IQ shoots up 90 points.

2) I was making photocopies of something. Low and behold, after making my photocopies, everything looked so big, and the part of the page that I wanted wasn't on the screen. Somehow, I had pressed not only the enlarge button, but also set an enlarging size while setting up my pages on the copy machine. My Head Teacher had to sit down because she was laughing so hard. I still don't know how I did that.


This weekend, I decided to do nothing. And I succeeded, quite admirably. However, on top of that nothing came some thoughts. Namely, what do I want? For, no matter what I do, it never quite seems to be enough for me...at least here. No matter what, whenever I seem happy outside of work, and everything is going well, I seem to come crashing down. Partly, that is the nature of such joy; it is hard to sustain such euphoria for long. Partly as well, it can be because of association, wherein apathy and a choice of unhappiness prove to be far more intoxicating than any drug and far more infectious than any virus. But it is useless to blame such external factors, for a solid mind can find peace in any situation. And my mind is not at peace. Oh, I am not as sad as I once was here, and I am keeping myself in the present. However, there are still plagues to my senses and a war to my faculties that I cannot deny.
In Buddhism, we learn to separate ourselves from the physical pains around us. Perhaps the greatest tool for doing so is to stay within the present moment. For in the present, neither the past nor the future exist, and as such all past and future pains cannot harm us. It is impossible to fear the pains of the past, for they are already gone, and it is unwise to fear the pains of the future, because they are only a possibility. Which leaves the present. Only in the present may you be harmed, but it can never be a deep harm; for just as we can never be alone if there is no together to compare it to, so we can never truly be harmed unless there is a wellness to compare it to. This, of course, is a rather slippery slope of degrees, but without those degrees, it is hard to know just how bad a harm really is. But the pain is only momentary, and in an instant the pain will be in the past. True, the future may hold more pain, or it may not. Regardless, only in finding the way to deny ourselves the fear of the future and the pain of the past can we ever really be free.
So, why bring in this mini-Buddha lesson? Because, at the moment, I am in some pain, but it is a pain that has finally taken form and voice. It is a pain driven by a fear that shakes the very foundation of what I have always held true. For my entire life, up until this point, I have always lived within Oregon. True, I have visited other places, but never for very long. And always, without fail, the happiest part for me has been returning to Oregon. But, coming to Japan, I am experiencing something new. For once in my life, I am surrounded by people who truly enjoy living in this place for a substantial period of time. And not just natives, but expats as well. It has even affected me, for there have been several times in these past (almost five) months that I have been genuinely happy here and have considered staying here longer than anticipated--which, considering that I was planning on staying here until I felt like returning, gives an idea about how much my inner psyche lets my conscious brain know what is going on. And that terrifies me. For all of my life, I have been an Oregonian, and proud and happy of that fact. No place has ever felt as right, nor as comfortable, as Oregon. As such, as part of my identity I have crafted into myself the belief that only in Oregon can I ever be truly happy. Now, I don't know if that's true.
At the moment, I guess that I am like a giant game of Jenga. One of my bottom pieces has been removed and, though I still stand on two feet, I am starting to wobble. However, unlike Jenga, I can move my pieces on my own. I can also add and subtract pieces as I want, but I have to have the courage and confidence that I am doing the right thing in the moment, even though it may send me crashing down. For I can always rebuild. Having said that, as the wind changes direction from moment to moment, so I must also be willing to accept that a choice I made was not the right one. I must be able to accept that fact, and change directions.
Sometimes, however, we must accept the fact that the decision that we have made is right despite what all external factors are telling us. In these situations, we have several options. We can either stand firm, weather the storm, and gently tap away at the opposition until the moment comes for the final, powerful smash. Or, we may need more flexibility, and instead bend with the opposition without breaking to either better redirect it or to let it wash around us. Another option is to go on the offensive, and let our drives and emotions fuel us to persevere into what we know is right.
So, then, what option should I take to combat this fear? The first is to accept that it is not something stupid to be afraid of. Yes, it might be unusual and it's not something that I thought I would ever face, but that does not lower its validity. At heart, it is a change to a part of me that I considered immutable, an image of what I had built myself to be; but I have faced such changes before, though they are never easy. Once I have accepted that I am afraid, and that I have a right to this fear, my next course is to accept that the fear might be true. Yes, Oregon might not be the only place where I can find happiness, and that is OK. There is nothing wrong
//**
Sorry, but I do have to break in here. My patriotism for my home state is so strong that my brain has been playing that amazing, Cover Oregon music since I started writing these past few sentences. I didn't realize it until now, but it keeps getting louder and louder. Well, back to writing.
//**
There is nothing wrong with having more than one place where I can be content. I thought that I would only ever be happy learning at OES, but I grew to love Willamette. The transition was an absolute switch, and I considered transferring, but I stuck it out through sheer stubbornness, and made a place where I could be truly happy. What I'm going through now is similar, but on a larger scale. At the same time, there is still a large enough difference to make it a challenge. I just have to accept that it will be a challenge, and that at the end of the day I will always have a special place in my heart for Oregon. It's just like Andy with his Woody and Buzz dolls. Yes, Buzz came along and was a great toy and seemed to have top billing, but at the end of the day nothing could replace Woody. I guess that I need to learn to be comfortable with other places being livable, and accept that it is not just Oregon that can have happy things in them. Likewise, I need to be able to be comfortable as more than an Oregonian, and be happy with the fact that I am more than just a geological location.
To be honest, writing this has been rather therapeutic, and I hope that it can help someone out there who is also struggling. Having some place turn out differently than you expected is not a bad thing, but it can be a hard thing. We build up expectations of how things will be both externally and internally, and when things don't turn out that way, we often reject them and refuse to talk about them. But talking helps, and being open helps, and that is all that I can say. Now, onto pictures.

Jingle jingle for Mogs.

My father and I in my teeny apartment.

A nice sight of Mt Fuji.

The view from my hotel room.

My step-mother, myself, and my father.

The gate to the Meji Shrine.

That path to the Meji shrine.

Yes, that does say what you think it says...in a posh neighborhood.

Lunch at Max Brenner...yum.

An old man...

and his taxi...

which he gets into while I wait for...

Shibuya crossing, which has...

So many people...

And no cars.

At the imperial palace...another nice picture.

My parents trying to retake a picture of mine...

My attempt, which doesn't hold up to the original.

Some nice lighting.

Too much sun...darn the sunset...

Interesting lighting...

Better lighting. A nice picture.

An interesting picture at night, taken when I wasn't looking.

A ray, at the aquarium.

A manta ray.

A shark.

A gigantic crab torturing a poor shark.

Chocolate-orange tea.

Another view from my window.

Avocado juice...surprisingly good.

Ah, Kamakura...how pretty.

Mt. Fuji from Kamakura.

Indeed I did.

I don't know what this sign is for...

Or this one either.

We had 4 minutes to get from platform 1 to 2...we made it.

My first Mc Donalds in four years.

One short day at the sea of the Disney...

Here comes the train.

Pretty...

And covered in Mickey Mouse...with Disney music.

Tokyo Disneyland's Castle. Cinderella I think.

A colored view from the parking lot.

Here we are at Disney Sea.

Indiana Jones, rising above the trees.

Dr. Jones's plane.

A pretty sight from future land...or whatever it's called.

Yum yum lunch.

King Trident in his castle.

Somewhere in Aladdin land...

Because...Tokyo Disney!

Goofy...

Donald...

Chip and Dale...

Pluto...

Either Mickey or Minnie. I can't tell which.

Please see above.

 As an added note, this is one of the floats from the Happiness Greeting on the Sea when we got there.

The three of us at together at Disney Sea.

Because we were too impatient for a bigger photo.

The line to get a picture here was really long.

The main plaza at the opening gate.

A close up of the globe.

Yes, that is a 220 minute wait. And people were still getting into that line.

Trident's castle: outside.

Trident's castle: inside

I'm in the back left corner.

Where to get fast passes for Journey to the Center of the Earth.

Disney Sea at night.

Myself and a good friend.

My father in front of the Disneyland fireworks.

The bus with my family on it, to take them to the airport.

One final look at my hotel...

I am back in Konosu, and I see Mt. Fuji.

The scarf, and a pissy looking kitty.

The lights of Miyahara.

More lights.

And more lights.

First course: Vegetables.

Second course: Salad.

Yummy salad.

Delicious course, minus one bite.

The main course...or deliciousness.

Desert

Supposedly a rabbit, but I just see Loki.

The flippingly heavy packages.

My bookcase/ pantry is finished.

This has been another adventure in the austentatious. If you liked me, tell your friends; if you hated me, tell your enemies; if you don't care either way, then tell everyone. And now, good night.