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Note for those unfamiliar with common etymologies: many-many-many-many-many English words come from either Greek or Latin origins. If you take one of those words and add an a- or an an- in front of it, it negates the following word. For example, aesthetic (feelings!) becomes anesthetic (nothing not one feeling!). So, with the a- prefix fiction becomes non-fiction. Certainly this is why we tell our children that there is a-santa.
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Let me be blunt: I am homesick. I like Japan, Japan is a very nice place, filled with very nice people, and very nice buildings, and a very nice city that never seems to end--although today I did find the bridge where the city stops which was a really big relief and there will be pictures of it some other time--but all of these things lack one simple thing. They are not quirky-quirky Portland. I miss the feeling of walking down the street and half expecting a unicycle-riding-bagpipe-playing lunatic to come careening around the corner. I miss wandering through Powell's with my third armload of books because the past two were put down and lost in a futile effort to find higher ground to find the exit. I miss looking out the window on one side of my abode to see rain dumping in sheets, while glancing out a window on the other side and seeing a cloudless-blue sky. Oddly enough, I don't miss being able to read and understand everything, because now it's like a strange puzzle; but what I do miss most of all--aside from the anthropomorphic personification of Oregon itself--are the people. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my teachers...I even miss my enemies, whoever they might be. "Live long in Oregon," as the song goes.
And, you know what? It's OK that I miss them. It's OK that I miss all of these things, because they are what I value most. The other stuff I can live without--though the whole literacy thing be mitigated by the fact that so much is in English/ pictures/ I do have a nice collection of English language books--but these facets that I miss are the ones that I depend on. As such, if I am going to make it over here I am going to need to find a way to find them here. Yes, Konosu is not quirky by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn't mean that I can't be quirky in it. And no, I'm not going to learn how to unicycle down the streets--because I'm an inexperienced enough driver without having to remember to drive on the other side of the road--but I have other skills that I can pull out. Powell's might be a little hard, and I'd rather not mess with the weather if I can help it, but I'm sure that I can make friends. I just have to get out of my apartment a bit more and find a way to get out into the community. It's all on me whether this year is going to be enjoyable or not, and I intend to do my best to make it so.
So, what brought up this sudden bout of, "I want to go home?" Well, several things. First, the realization that it has been a month--and a quick one at that--isn't helping matters. Secondly, I got a care package from my Willamette friends:
Speaking of work, I would say that it's going well. Most of my classes follow one of four basic lesson plans, and since I spent so much time memorizing them the first week I can conceivably do a lesson on autopilot right now. This isn't good, because that means I won't be preparing for the harder questions that my students might ask me from left field. These are things that native speakers never conceive to even begin to google, and so we must stall for a moment while our brain goes over every possible permutation of why. The worst, though, is when the explanation is about something incredibly nuanced--such as when a question involving, "you" can be legitimately reported (he/she/ze said) with the subject changing to me, we, he, she, they, or it could stay you. The English language is messed-flipping-up. As such, for the sake of my students I cannot afford to just go on autopilot...at least until I get better at analyzing my mother tongue.
The only other big thing to mention about work--aside from the fact that I not only taped three skeletons to an 11 and a half foot ceiling without a ladder and then managed to get the tape off the ceiling when the skeletons fell off over night--is wardrobe. Dutifully, I iron my clothes every morning, as is proper. I don't mind, I kind of enjoy it, it's not a problem. I do, however, have a few questions about cloth. First, what is the purpose of a tie? The tie, like the high heel, comes from the ancient Roman legions; the former was a special kind of scarf, while the latter was used to strengthen the calf muscles. I lump these two together because they have both, through time, moved away from their original purpose, lost all possible function, and have become an odd and utterly useless remnant. Any trace of function is gone, their only purpose now being fashion. I will wear a tie because it is required of me, though I must say that I vastly prefer bow ties because, while equally useless, they at least fail to get in the way during such mundane activities as eating or relieving oneself. I have never really understood a piece of clothing that serves no actual function--note my love of pants with lots of pockets--and as such am as puzzled by the fact of a tie as I am by my suit jackets where I cannot seem to easily raise my arm above my shoulder. So, will someone please tell me what the purpose of the tie is aside from arbitrary and utterly idiotic notions about what is formal, fancy, and fashionable?
Lastly, we turn to the notion of food and house work. This month has been a transformation month for me. Whereas in America I was hooked upon my easy, simple, ready to micro-wave frozen meals for lunch and, often, dinner, here in Japan I have grown accustomed to cooking all of my own meals. Considering how much I eat, this is a lot of dishes. However, I have continued my goal of never leaving my kitchen a mess before bed...a goal that has been kept with reckless abandon. In fact, I usually clean my dishes before I leave for work as well these days. The other bit of housework to note--aside from the general state of clutter that I kind of like to live in--is the futon.
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One quick rant and then back to the culture stuff: Japanese. Pillows. Are. Tiny. And. Hard. As. Rock! At night, I want to lie my head upon my pillow, not brain it with it.
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This probably goes into the, "so culturally obvious that we never realize that it's culture so we never remember to tell foreigners," category of things that I have discovered. I learned early on that you are supposed to lie out the futon about once a week, which I have mostly been doing. What I did not learn until this past week, however, is that it also needs to be folded up. Every. Single. Day. This prevents the futon from growing damp, and prevents a damp spot forming between the futon and the floor, which tends to be a rather nice breeding ground for mold. So, every day--just like people all over Japan who have been doing so since they were children--I fold up my futon and leave it to air.
One other note on culture: respect. Everyone who comes to Japan, it seems, remarks on the culture of respect and politeness that pervades the Japanese culture. I even know of a few Americans who bemoan the fact that the US has lost its, "respect." I would argue that, a) it depends on where you are, and b) that it's hard to lose something that you relatively never had to begin with (please consult your history books before arguing with me, people. Slaver, Trail of Tears, beating another senator with a cane because you disagree with him...not very respectful). I would also advise to look at the culture surrounding the respect before you pass judgement upon it. Yes, I will admit that I love the respect and politeness that everyone shows each other. However, I do wonder if such a culture could exist in a more egalitarian society. That's not to say that Japan isn't egalitarian in terms of equal rights or distribution of wealth, it rather is, but that Japan is still very much ruled under the idea of the hierarchy (in most cases, read patriarchy, a fact that my own school thankfully modernized on). In other words, people are very polite and respectful to one another because everyone knows exactly where their social place is at any given moment and how they stand with everyone else. It is unbecoming to not be humble, so you are polite to those lower down. Those higher up can screw you over in unspeakable ways, and so you are polite and respectful to those higher up (this is, of course, a gross oversimplification from an American perspective and probably very wrong, even if the general idea is corret). Yes, it is a system that works--and works really well--but the framework that surrounds and supports it is not really one that I'm currently comfortable with. Quite frankly, I am more impressed and intrigued by someone who can lick their elbow than someone who runs a country, but that's just me. What I'm really trying to say is that before you pass judgement upon an aspect of a society, please try to put it in context and understand it as a part of the whole.
I will end tonight's post with this: life can be hard. It's not really here for us to be comfortable in, or really for us at all. It just sort of is...and there's something kind of amazing in that fact. I mean, people can be comfortable, life can be going, "their way," but on the whole, these tend to be unhappy people. They don't necessarily know themselves, or what they want. So, even though life is fairly hard for me right now, I think that it's for the best. I knew going into this that things were going to be difficult--even if I didn't understand quite what it would be like--and I knew that, because of the struggle, I would either grow into more than I could ever have become in Oregon, or burn and die. So, which will happen, the former or the latter? I have no idea; I still have--hopefully--at least eleven more months here until I'm done, and it will take quite some time after that for all the ramifications to play out. I do know, however, that I'm already a different person than the guy who came over here. I also know, and I'm going to say it here: my weight is probably going to be a huge factor in how long I stay here. If I can manage things, I might stay longer. However, if things grow unmanageable--especially during the winter, when I will undoubtedly need to eat more to generate heat--then I will have to put my health above all other concerns. But I knew this going in, and I have adjusted accordingly. One last thing before I go: I'm not all that fond of being called, "Mr. Austin," by my students. For one, I feel as though it makes a separation between the student and the teacher that I'm not comfortable with, and for another--as I have said since I was little--I am Austin, just Austin. And, so, this has been another exciting Adventure of the Austentatious. If you liked me, tell your friends; if you hate me, tell your enemies; and if you don't care either way, then tell everyone.
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